Black Man's Fatigue

     When I was a teenager I used to retreat to an apartment for weeks at a time. As an adult I have to retreat for months at a time. You see, I suffer from Black Man’s Fatigue. This is a condition of chronic weariness that causes the sufferer to need long periods of rest. I will now walk you through a day in my life to give you a view of Black Man’s Fatigue up close. The first thought that I have when I wake up in the morning is disappointment that I am still in a time and space of a system that fuels other people’s success at the expense of African people. My second thought is that I must figure out how to transcend systems, and even what passes for humanity these days, because to face the world in a bad mood could end up with me dead or incarcerated. When I face the world I do it as a wanderer from a people that have disintegrated into a state of savagery. This means that I have to prove my human value with every individual encounter. When I was in school I had to function at a high enough level to pass through institutions that trained me to maintain the system created to keep me enslaved. When I went to work I maintained that system. I have not worked in the system for 3 years, so at least I am free of the Soul suicide that America calls work. As I fellowship with friends and family I have to present to them the parts of myself that they can understand. At the end of each day I meditate with the hopes that I will be able to reach beyond the here and now and stay there.